Last day of radiotherapy!

In terms of my illness, it's been quite a rollercoaster start to the year. Although my scan showed improvement, which is amazing, there were still some bone lesions that needed attention. I had a radio-frequency surgery a couple of weeks back, and today was the last session of my latest radiotherapy treatment. I am feeling good that it is over but I won't be cracking open the champagne.

My cancer was de novo from diagnosis. For those that are new to my story, it means that my cancer had already spread beyond the breast and lymph nodes, in my case into my bones. It means that my illness is incurable, as long as there is still no cure for cancer. I have only had two clear scans in the six years since diagnosis. All the rest have shown some kind of recurrence, some more serious than others. It means that I am monitored closely and frequently and am very used to my treatment plan being modified along the way. What it also means, is that even though I have learned to live with my illness and treat it as a chronic illness, there is never really a chance to completely forget the cancer is there. I have daily oral medication, and because of recurrence, my scans are currently every three months. It means that every three months, I get to worry for about two or three weeks about a scan and the subsequent results. I am also very realistic and understand the nature of what I am living with and can be fairly confident that this won't be my last brush with radiotherapy and probably even more confident that I will have further radio-frequency surgeries in the future. My illness is being very well managed and even though there is a possibility I will suffer more recurrence by the end of the year, there is just as great a possibility that the medication I am currently on will keep the illness at bay for a long time. That's the problem with living with cancer, it is an existence of unknowns that you can't control, and it's exhausting.

But for today at least, that's the last of the active treatment based on the last scan. I will celebrate it with a long walk in the sunshine this afternoon because I can, and that's a success. We can only live in the present!

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And a final note, ladies, today is the first of the month, please remember to check your breasts, you are the best advocate for your health!

Zoe Zenklusen Payne